The lonely me...

The settings around me looked quite familiar, the wall hanging my sister brought from Sikkim, the books spread across my study table, my balcony door that always remains closed when I am at home, the windows that never open, it was looking good because I have been this way for a long time.

I have spent hours in this small room of mine, the cruel exam prepping, the excitement for getting dressed when going on a date, the moments spent on my computer exploring the whole world, exploring adolescence, experiencing uber pwnages and the not so frequent killing sprees, the long ordeals of exciting sitcoms, the beautiful silent nights on a chat client with someone special and loads of personal peace(My version of Master Shifu's inner peace), may be the feeling everybody says, "Boy! This feels like home".

I have been alone in this room for days and not once I felt alone, it was like I would never ever feel lonely again, this was the time when I started thinking on what could go wrong, and then the lightning strikes when I least expect it.

I experienced not being alone when I am alone and today I am experiencing being the most lonely person despite being surrounded by everyone. I am not sure what this phenomenon is called and I really do not think that is running in my mind now. It's this feeling of emptiness inside you, it sure sounds harmless, but when you know you are alone because of someone, it really can mess your head a lot.

I have been going through this very strange thing I never really understood, and when I do not understand something, my next destination is Wikipedia. So according to Wiki, Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships. No wonder Wiki nailed it again.

For me this loneliness is more like a naked terror, and it is a result of a healthy communication line ceasing to exist with someone you really thought would be there forever. Agreed that I cannot expect someone to be there 24X7 and I also feel that would be a little douche like behavior on my part, and yet here I am unable to find a solution to this.

The only good part comes when your are alone in loneliness, every morning when I run along the park, the flowers started to smell better, every night the silent cool breeze felt more relaxing.

What can be worse to a person who is lonely and does not like alcohol, a perfect recipe for a litigating disaster.

I am not done yet, I will be back, I need to add the element of "Pain" and see what it does to the whole process. I am going now, but I'll be back.